How Is It That?-?-?

11/12/2008

I have a lot to be proud of in my life..  My devotion to honesty.  My inability to pass anyone in distress regardless of age, sex, color, or looks.  My ability to say “I am in love with you” only to two women.  And love them today as much as I loved them then.

But without the first love, the one who refused to be turned away.. The one who passed every test even though she knew I was testing her. The one who really taught me that I was good enough, well  I owe her so much.. I tried to pay her by allowing her to win at Spite a Malice a card game.. And I often hope I see an email wanting to play spite and malice on line…. Just to let her win again..

And on this day, her birthday, the inability to even be her friend really hurts.  This time the hurt is awash in fear. With the kidney problems recently arising, I do not know I will be around to wish her greetings in another birthday.  Her memory, is her legacy. Truly what we leave in the hearts of others is the legacy we should all yearn for.  I am in many people’s legacy  as a stranger that helped and walked away.  I liked that role.

I am saddened by the change of so many of my peers. For I am at heart and soul, what I was then.   

Now she is too good to even be my friend.  That is not the heart that I loved..  Then was a time where there was no arrogance in her.  A time when she believed in more than the everyday rut.  It was a time of adventure and of sitting on a bench on a snow covered beach just because —  Living to live.. Not living to get through another day.  When that beseeches me – I will  quit wasting air.

One day – one night in New Orleans, I have a lot to regret in my treatment of her.  Another attempt to prove to her I was not love worthy. But the next day she was still there.  I pray that she does not remember that day. I have every day of my life and regretted it.  But I learned from it..

I miss her as I do the second.  I dream of them both often.

I am their legacy.

Happy Birthday… Happy Birthday…

I am so glad, and grateful that you are on this earth… I am even more so that you were in my life. No matter how short the period, it was the greatest time of me..

Cathey Kennedy, Happy Birthday, Sand Lake, New York, Sand Lake New York, Cathey Mayer, Cathey Mayer Kennedy 

A tree with a lion under its branches.. A small handmade wooden box.. Lost but never forgotten..

Some of us just leave the past as if it were dead.. But the past is the molecules of our character today.

How is your character?

Cathey Kennedy, Happy Birthday, Sand Lake, New York, Sand Lake New York, Cathey Mayer, Cathey Mayer Kennedy